It could be difficult to find forgiveness and healing when someone has hurt you or when you are feeling guilty about a situation you thought you could have prevented in some way, or a decision or action you deeply regretted. At this moment, there doesn’t seem to be any room for forgiveness.
If you are one of these people start to look at guilt as an opportunity to redirect, change, and improve your behavior. This is a chance to take a negative action or situation and turn it into something positive. Most importantly, it allows you to repair your own self-esteem as well as, relationships you want to have and keep.
Furthermore, obsessing about guilt will keep the bad feelings inside, making you miserable and unhappy. Forgiveness can be a vehicle for obtaining peace, calmness, and tranquility as well as, untangling confusing thoughts. It can also help you to find happiness and teaches you how to give and receive love. Forgiveness also provides a fresh start to make amends. So it is best to seek its consolation, otherwise, the guilt you still feel will continue to bother you and interfere with your relationships with others.
Hurting Others and How to Make Amends
If you are the one that did the hurting, you will have to accept that you cannot change the past. Start by analyzing what happened and think it through, then decide what it is you need to apologize for. At first, this may not be easy since you may have some mixed feelings and even feel ashamed. It difficult to own up to doing something wrong, but there is always an opportunity to make things right!
Begin by writing down why you need to make amends. Sometimes seeing it on paper can help clarify the situation. Also, don’t wait too long to do something, because the longer you wait the harder it will be to reconcile. Once you have everything written down, you can take positive action, and make amends for your inappropriate behavior by apologizing.
So, if you are given the opportunity to apologize, simply say, “I am sorry,” and truly mean it. The other person may not be so accepting of this, just give them some time. They may eventually come around and want to listen to your explanation.
If they don’t, look at it this way, at least you did the right thing and now you will begin to look better in their eyes. On the other hand, they may accept your apology and you have taken a step toward your own personal healing as well as theirs. Perhaps, you can find some way to make up for the wrong you committed, it is then, that you can forgive yourself.
Being Hurt and How to Forgive Others
If you are the one who has been hurt by another, it is important to once again accept that which you cannot change, and make amends by forgiving them so that you can find inner peace.
You cannot continue to dwell in hate, anger or despair. Remember, one day you may need and want to be forgiven. Wouldn’t you want someone to forgive you as well? So letting go of these hateful feelings can heal you and the other person that caused you the pain.
To allow anger or resentment toward another person is to let them have control over you. Are you going to permit them to control your life and ruin your chances to resolve your feelings now? This is your chance to find happiness and peace of mind.
Think of it this way, maybe this was a person you once cared about, so there has to be something good that you obtain from that relationship. Perhaps there is a positive quality that they possessed. Try to accentuate the positive aspects of that relationship, and remember what those are. Take the good with the bad and focus on the positive.
Begin to replace the negative thoughts with the positive thoughts of the GIFTS obtained from that relationship. Think about what makes you happy and begin an action plan towards healing.
Identify those gifts from your past relationship and that will also help you feel less guilty, less hate, more self-love, more hope for the future.
This is difficult to do with someone that has hurt you, but there is room in your heart and it is big enough to handle this.
Perhaps, it was someone you encountered for the first time, and they hurt your feelings in some way. For instance, if someone was rude to you, then you quickly take a different approach and practice kindness. Give a smile or offer a kind remark, just to liven up the situation, and the person may come to realize they made a mistake and apologize. The point is this, if you are experiencing a negative emotion, caused by another person, you can find an alternative response to make the situation better.
Dealing with the Guilt When Losing Someone
If you are hurting because your loved one has passed away, then you can value the love that you once shared. Use it to lift and encourage you to live on and live to the fullest. You should not feel guilty because you still have the gift of life, instead, take this gift and value it and make the most of the present.
To live always in sorrow means you are not living and letting your sad or negative emotions destroy you. It is natural to grieve and it should take its course, but to continue to grieve indefinitely can mentally, emotionally and physically unhealthy.
This is not meant for you. You are meant to do many good things, give yourself the chance to discover what that is. You can make a difference.
Change the Way You Think can Promotes Forgiveness and Healing
Another way towards forgiveness and healing is to begin to change the way you think. It’s learning how to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
When you experiencing these negative thoughts, it may help to write down those feelings and let it all pour out of you. Release your pain and now take those negative thoughts and change them to a more realistic positive thought through your writing.
For example, if your negative thought is, “I am never going to love again.” Then you turn it around to a more realistic, positive thought and write, “I will find someone that brings me fulfilling love.”
You will start believing this (because it is true) and you will start creating positivity in your life. You will become that which you believe. This is called visualization.
As you write, you are also letting out that anger or hurt, and you will begin to feel better. As you release the pain or angry you will get a better perspective and clarity about the situation.
There is a place at the bottom of this post where you can express your hurt or anger; share your stories of comfort, and words of forgiveness. Your supportive comments will help others to find some healing and ease their sorrowful hearts. As a community, we can find some healing.
Feelings of anger and resentment will linger for a while, but as you focus less on the person that wronged you, and more on the lesson that this experience has given you, you will find forgiveness and healing. It is also important to change your negative thinking and keeping active. All these things will help in finding forgiveness and healing.
Go ahead and express your hurt or anger or share your stories of comfort, and words of forgiveness.