Whether it’s a broken relationship or a divorce, the results are still that of pain and anguish. Such experiences are discouraging and the fear of falling in love is inevitable. A loss in a relationship can leave you with a feeling of emptiness. The hurt consumes you, the pain is unbearable, the sadness overwhelming, so much so, that it can make you emotionally or physically ill, (that is if you let it!)
For whatever length of time it was, they were your companion, but the fact, that they are no longer a part of your life, can cause you to become withdrawn almost to a point of depression. Being depressed can make you feel as if you’re dying, and all you want to do is alienate yourself completely from others. You think that no one will understand what you are going through.
Yet, you should realize that you are not alone, and somehow you can reach out and connect with others. In order to release from the fear of falling in love, it is important to share your feelings, and know that there are others who hurt the same way. There are many that can sympathize and share your pain. It is important to reach out and in doing so; you can help each other to get passed the despair.
Within time, you will acknowledge the need to move forward and live a happy life once again. In order to accomplish this, you must first work through these difficult feelings. Of course, while you are hurting, this is not something you want to hear or can deal with at the moment, but it is necessary to acknowledge that you need to return to the world and live!
Life doesn’t stop because you hurt, ( I am not trying to be callous) but there are things you need to do, people who love and depend on you, obligations that push you forward, and a beautiful life that awaits you.
If you apply yourself, you can eventually find the strength to do what it takes, and learn all you can once again, to become emotionally, psychologically and physically healthy again. Eventually, you can also overcome your fear of falling in love.
How to Overcome the Fear of Falling in Love?
After much grieving, and mourning you come to finally accepted the loss, and you realize you need to move on. A healthy way to view the ending of a relationship is to understand that it was not a waste of time, but a life lesson. It was an experienced gained, an invaluable lesson learned that promotes personal growth, and if learned well, can prevent you from making the same mistake again.
Reflect and Evaluate:
After a divorce or a breakup, it is the right time to reflect, evaluate, to look within and find the wrong and make it right. This is the first step to recovering from a broken heart and the fear of falling in love again. Start to identify and evaluate those factors that led you to this situation. It is important to be true to yourself and take responsibility for your own actions.
This is perhaps not your first broken heart or possibly the last, but at this point in time, you need to take responsibility for your choice of partners. Overall you need to take responsibility for the choices you make in life. You choose the people you want to have friendships, associations with or get involved with. This decision should be base, not just on attraction or because you feel lonely, or want sex etc.., but rather on those characteristics or common interests and needs that are important to you. Yes, you can fall in love again, but you need to learn to choose the right partner for the right reasons.
It is not just about falling in love, it’s about choosing the right person to love. You want to make certain that this person is truly for you before you surrender your heart. You will want to IDENTIFY with each other’s needs and goals and make sure that the OTHER PERSON HAS SIMILAR ASPIRATIONS FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP. It is important to do so that you will know clearly what you are getting into. Once you do love this person, you will continue to nourish that love by fulfilling your partners emotional, psychological and physical needs and keep love alive.
Speaking Clearly and Listening
When you are in a relationship it is important to speak clearly what you want in a relationship and listen carefully to what the other person needs as well.
When people are clear about their needs for a relationship, it allows one to make the right decisions on whether to pursue the relationship or not.
For example, a direct statement would be, “My future plans are to relocate and I am not able to get emotionally involved, but I can offer you friendship.” This approach states clearly the intent, good faith, and shows consideration for the other person. Maybe this is not the response you would like to hear, but you would definitely know where you stood in that person’s life. This type of directness helps in making a decision reflecting the needs that you and the other person have at the time.
Hence, in a relationship you should clearly identify what you want, need, expect from your partner.
Do not assume the person has the same needs, wants and goals as you do.
Do not assume that this person feels the same as you do. Some people love differently, and have different love-style.
First Steps to Falling in Love Again
Investigate, ask questions and clearly communicate what those wants, needs and future goals are for each other. Make sure you understand what your partner expects and that they know the same about you. This will avoid any confusion and heartache later. Such planning and thinking will remove all fear of falling in love again!
To learn and to fulfill these needs for each other, will help maintain the love you have. Communication is essential, but listening is also an important skill. You sometimes get all caught up in what you want that you become deaf to the wants of others. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Sometimes you hear, but you do not listen. Be still and listen!
In addition, observe their actions and words. Do not let your ideas of love or what you think you see blind you, because sometimes what we see, are just appearances and can be very deceiving.
Once you have communicated these things then no one will be hurt and you will overcome your fear of falling in love.