How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety? To be or not to be?

by Dealing with Social Anxiety

Relationships are not always perceived to be investments, but in many instances, that’s exactly what they are.  This is a common case for individuals who seem to have relationship anxiety and do not like the marriage idea. If you are an individual that is dating a person with this notion in mind, and you have invested a lot of time and emotional energy into the connection.  It is understandable that you would want to have a normal relationship or even tie the knot with them in a romantic wedding.

If your partner has made it clear that they are not interested in having a serious relationship or marriage, you feel sad and overwhelmed.  You may even have a partner that pushes you away, yet you feel that their fear is making them this way. In spite of this, you see that they do have qualities that are valuable.  What do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? Well, before you pack up your bags and leave, there are several things you need to know that can help.

First of all, you need to understand why your partner is feeling that he or she is not ready for a serious relationship or marriage.  See if the two of you can overcome the problem and whether you can get things rolling in a positive relationship direction.

Below please find a list of reasons why people have relationship anxiety.  This can help you identify and understand your partners relationship fears.  Once the cause of the relationship anxiety is identified, then there are things that can be done to reduce its effect on the mind, body and how things are viewed.

Why Do Men and Women have Relationship Anxiety?

The following points will explain why men and women have relationship anxiety and perhaps commitment issues:

Mistrust: Totally do not trust anyone because of the negative relationships experienced in the past.

Self-loathing or low self-esteem about who they are.

Fear of intimacy:  Anxiety over allowing oneself to be exposed physically or to be emotionally vulnerable.

Extreme fear of rejection: Feeling unworthy can lower self esteem.

Needs to feel good with you:  When people are in an intimate relationship they tend to surrender themselves and give all their heart to the another person. So there is a real need to feel good most of the time when they are with their partners.  They need the constant reassurance that the way you make them feel now is the same way you will make them feel later in a marriage.

Do I really want to commit or should I be worried that I’ll lose him or her and get someone worse?  There are people who don’t know if they want you or if they want someone else.  This insecurity may drive the person not to want to commit to you and jump from relationship to relationship.

Sex and Commitment to it:   This may pertain more to certain men or women that have a constant worry that their partner will not be able to keep up with them sexually.  So as to not miss bedding someone else that can, they may be hesitant to commit to you, that is if they do not connect with you on a deeper level. The number of times you have sex may contribute to their decision not to commit.

Losing their Freedom: Women and men who fear commitment believe that once they commit, they will not have the freedom to do as they desire. They believe that their partner will dictate everything that they do. These individuals who fear commitment want to have their own time to go out with other people without having to answer to someone.

No Strings Attached Sex: Women or men who fear commitment love the idea of sleeping with someone without having to commit to them. If your partner is not willing to commit, they are just using you as a tool and doesn’t picture you as a serious relationship or as a husband or wife material.

Your Guide to Dealing with Relationship Anxiety

If you have or know anyone with the above relationship anxiety, you need to find out the solution that will help alleviate the problem at hand. Here are a few pointers that can help:

  • Be honest in your present relationship:

    Communicate your concerns or fears with one another. If you care for each other then you will support each other as well.  This will definitely reduce some of the relationship anxiety.

  • Build trust:

    As time progresses, you will show your partner that you care through your loving actions.  This will help your partner learn to trust you more, as they begin to realize that you have the best of intentions for them.  As trust builds, the relationship anxiety will decrease.

Again if the person you are with is treating you with respect and is taking care of you emotionally, then feel confident that you are in a safe place.  Life is always filled with insecurities, but when you have someone who truly cares and loves you, it reduces the feeling of loneliness and fear.   It is then that you become more in touch, in tune, and in love.

  • Do meditation, prayer or yoga:

    When you just sit down quietly and try to connect to a more positive energy within yourself; it will help you to relax, calm down and re-focus. Try to slow down your mind and refocus your energy away from the worry and the relationship anxiety to something more positive and optimistic in your life. Remember to count your blessing and you will realize that there is so much to be thankful for. Your focus will then be on more positive thoughts about being completely at peace, becoming more in tuned with yourself, more appreciative of life and the gifts that you already have in your life.

  • Seek professional or family help:

    Seek a licensed psychotherapist, attend self-help groups, or reach out to friends, the family that can give you the emotional support that you need.  The people that love and care about you are wanting to help.  Allow them in, take the step to express your fears and worries.  Love can uplift and heal.  All you need is to reach out.  Also attending, a self-help group with others that have the similar concerns can help in finding a solution to bring about peace of mind.

  • Eat natural foods and herbs:

    What we eat does affect our minds and bodies.  Some foods even help to reduce anxiety, so it is important to have a diet that includes fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, dairy, and fish.   Eat also whole grain foods which are rich in magnesium, which helps prevent anxiety by providing energy and giving calming effects.  For those that are gluten sensitive, they can use seaweed also high in magnesium content and are a high source of tryptophan.  Natural sources such as tuna, bell peppers or bananas contain vitamin B6 which supports the nervous system.

  • Take natural supplements:

    Sometimes your busy lifestyle does not allow you to eat well so if you introduce natural supplements into your diet they can maintain your physical and mental well-being. Natural supplements can also produce calmness, boost serotonin and reduce anxiety.

There are various herbal remedies that have also been known to assist in reducing anxiety, which are:

  • St. John’s wort: helps treat depression anxiety and nervousness.
  • Passion Flower:  Treats hysteria and used as an antidepressant.
  • Feverfew: treats anxiety as well as migraines.
  • Lemon balm: can be used as a mild relaxant and is used to treat occasional anxiety and nervousness.
  • Connect with nature:

    The beauty of nature can have its own healing effect and can inspire you.  Sometimes a walk in the park where there are flowers and trees, or on the beach where the soothing sound of the waves can bring about a feeling of tranquility.  Fill your eyes with the beauty of nature and you fill your heart with contentment.

  • Listen to music:

    It can be serene or relaxation music or any music that brings you joy. Music can be inspirational and can definitely feed your mind and spirit with positive energy.  Music can help you feel good about yourself and in feeling good about who you are, can enable you to feel good when you are with the one you love.

  • Be yourself:

    If you care for your partner and are willing to go the extra mile with them to overcome their relationship anxiety, always be yourself, and make them feel good every time you are with them. If they commit to you in the future, they will know that you will be the same and continue to make them feel great.

  • Provide a sense of freedom:

    Sit down and discuss at length how you will not overcrowd their space. Define the freedom and it limits. Your non-committal partners will feel free and will be willing to commit once they feel their freedom is not totally restricted.

  • Acknowledge your worthiness:  

    Accept that you are worthy and there are things about you that are special.  You may not see or think so, but there is.  There exists a divine source within you.  It is a light that is within every human being. You have been given a life with love, and this love is the light that is within you.  Fill yourself with this love, for it will release your fears, particularly your relationship anxiety, and allow you to cherish and value all the good things in life that are around you!

  • Change self-definition: 

    You can stop limiting your potential on how you perceive yourself by releasing negative thoughts and actions one by one.  This may take some time because we have been programmed to become limited beings.   You can change your limited self-definition by doing things that will build your self-image and your self-esteem.  It can be learning a new skill, changing the way you look and feel, learning a new language, being creative, going back to school. In doing so, you will discover you are strong and have unlimited potential to find happiness and fulfillment and love without fear because you love who you are.

Remember God himself is unlimited, and it has been said we have been created in his image.  So envision yourself how you like to be and take action to be a person with no limits or boundaries, but rather with endless possibilities for growth.

Embrace Who You Are and Overcome Relationship Anxiety

Ultimately, what will help you overcome your relationship anxiety is that you are able to embrace who you are It is appreciating and enjoying your own company. It is recognizing and knowing all your positive attributes that clearly define that you are loving, giving, capable, and an intelligent person.

Sometimes when a person is involved with someone with relationship anxiety, they tend to feel drained and feel less worthy, so remember to embrace the wonderful qualities that you have.  You are caring, giving, patient and loving.  That fact that you want to find a way help your partner and save the relationship says a lot about you!  So, in your quest to help your partner remember you’re good qualities, keep your self-respect and self-love intact!

Love all aspects of yourself and in doing so, you will then be able to embrace, enjoy and love another.


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